Dear Padawan:

You wrote: “even though I can see their flaws… I am vulnerable to their approval… Even though I see all that is wrong with them so clearly I still care”-

I will share with you my experience and please let me know if you relate:

I care of being approved of by anyone and everyone. I was surprised at it myself, when I noticed it not long ago. Even if I do not approve of a particular person, even if I don’t value their wisdom and their values, I still want to be approved of by that person. It always feels good to me when I am liked (or approved of) and it always feels unpleasant to me when I am disliked, or disapproved of.

I figure this is a natural human thing. I think it comes from our inborn social animal genetics. For a social animal, to be disliked means to be excluded from the herd, or other social group. It doesn’t matter if we value the person doing the excluding. To be excluded is dangerous for a social animal, therefore to be disliked is scary.

What I do is pay attention to not act insincerely for the purpose of being liked and to remain true to myself in all my communications. And at the same time I still feel good when liked and badly when disliked, at least when I become aware that I am liked or disliked.

What do you think?

anita