Dear Ally

Thank you, for those kind words. Yes I’ve read your posts about your relationship with your father. It amazes me how children care about fixing and bringing family together and how parents don’t need that. We are adults but we are stuck with being those children of theirs, we can’t let this go, and they don’t even try. Yes, I’m trying to be aware and not hurt other people, although I have worked with kids (teaching them) and I’ve been fighting with the feeling of anger, illogical anger with no reason, I feel it because I was taught and shown anger for many years. This anger consumes me and there were times when it was really hard for me to understand it and to calm myself down. I now know not to trust my own feelings and urges, be more mindful and have control over what’s coming to my head. But the anger is here anyway, I control it and resist but I feel illogical rage sometimes towards children and I hate it because it’s not me who creates it. I like kids I teach, some of them I really adore and this anger comes to me anyway, because someone put it in my head and programmed it. Mind works in twisted ways. Thank you for appreciating this I’m really trying, I mean I never act on anger, I would never. It destroys me only, not other people.

I have a friend, a grandma, few members of family, not much. Not much of a family to be honest. I’ve lost two friends recently.