Dear Rose:

You told your ex it is better to not get the families involved in the planning of the wedding but he involved your family in it anyway. A venue was chosen. Then he wanted to change venue and a second one was chosen. Then his father called your mother and told her that he is unhappy with the venue/area and will not attend the wedding there because the area  is unsafe, as in their jewelry worn for the wedding can be stolen. You and your family got offended because you live in that area. His father later told you that he will support you, as it was his understanding that your family does not support you, that your family will not attend your wedding.

Later you family had a meeting, they were upset “And I couldn’t blame them”, you wrote. Your mother suggested to cancel he wedding, or wait another year before you get married. Your brother pointed “a lot of things he found wrong in my relationship. Things he kept in for so long”. Next you told your ex what your brother and mother said. Your ex then told you in so many words that what your mother said and what your brother said are things you believe in, that is, that the wedding should be cancelled or postponed and that there are lots of things wrong in your relationship.

Then your ex told you that his father told him that you were not straight forward. His father claim that you are not straightforward intensely offended you.

My input: your idea to not involve the families was a good one although probably not a likely possibility because of how involved he is with his family and how involved you are with your family.

There has been communication between your ex and his father that you were and are not aware of (leading his father to believe that your family does not support you). And then, there has been communication between you and your family that maybe you shouldn’t have told your ex.

What your brother told you, that there are lots of things wrong in your relationship, did you believe he had valid points? If you believed that your brother’s concerns were valid then you shouldn’t have married your ex. If you believed your brother’s concerns were not valid then you shouldn’t have told those to your ex.

In the latter case, if what your brother said was not valid, not true, what was your purpose in telling your ex what your brother said?

anita