Dear Penelope:

Your anxiety, ongoing fear, started early, as it often does, in childhood. In your previous relationship of five years you had a similar thought, you wrote, and you did terminate that relationship. Most recently a series of events increased your anxiety, brought it to a pick, and the thought appeared, the thought that you “have fallen out of love”.

I believe the following needs to be done:

1. Manage your anxiety, your pre-existing anxiety (existing before you met your boyfriend, way before).

2. Separate the anxiety from reality, that is, look at your relationship. If the relationship has been good, if you believe your partner is a good, loving man, then your anxiety is just that, anxiety, not an indication that something in reality needs to be done. Go back to #1.

Every time the thoughts appear, that you are no longer in love, remind yourself that nothing in reality needs to be done, that this is anxiety.

Back to #1, managing your anxiety: create a calm place in your brain, a sanctuary of sorts. Create an image of it. If you feel most calm in a setting of a beach, by the ocean, create that image. If you feel most calm in a setting of a forest, trees and such, create that image.

When you feel anxious and troubled by the thought/s, go to that place. Do not engage with the thought, having a conversation with the thought. Don’t stay in that place. Go to the calm place. In the calm place think different thoughts, true thoughts, such as “I love him. He is a good man. He is a loving man.” And so on.

Find ways to relieve yourself from anxiety, such as daily walks outside and other exercise. Maybe attend quality psychotherapy for the purpose of managing and starting the long-long process of healing from your anxiety.

And do post again anytime you’d like.

anita