Amy, Coconut.. or anyone around? I could use a friendly ear. Having a really tough time. I’ve been struggling so very much that the smallest things are so difficult. I’m trying to focus on getting dressed everyday, even if I don’t do it until 4pm like I did yesterday. I got dressed by 11:30am today. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it is. It feels like climbing a mountain. Then yesterday I managed a 15min walk and plan to go on a short one today with my camera. I love art and photography. I like photographing birds, and this is the best time of year as our trees are just starting to bud, so they’re easy to find. Maybe today will be a better day but I just have so much going on and so much change.

I got upset yesterday from an email from my art therapist. They keep changing things on me and I got triggered, I must have sent 15 emails, evertime I thought of ‘one more thing to add’ I’d send it. I was reacting obviously and I feel like a fool. I just feel like I can’t trust them anymore. They made me switch to tuesdays, I told them I can’t always be consistent on tuesdays and they assured me that I could come in on saturdays if it ever happened. I tried to change my appt tomorrow and they’re now telling me that my therapist has no other openings and that if I don’t want to ‘miss a week’ I’d have to see someone brand new! Are they stupid? How do they expect me to just ‘start over’ with someone new once in a while. They also told me that they recently hired a scheduling co-ordinator, but they refuse to give me this persons name or phone #.  They told me to email this person at the regular ‘art therapy’ email. I call BS. They said she doesn’t have a phone, so I said, I need her name. Now it’s the lady in charge wanting to sort it out with me. .. ahem, what about this ‘new person’ they hired? I have such a hard time to trust, I don’t know what to do.

I have an appt with my family doc tomorrow and it usually ends in severe anxiety and or panic attacks, so bad that I have to end up taking a taxi home. She prescribed an anti-depressant over the phone to my pharmacy, but it was already one I tried a few times and couldn’t handle the side effects. Then a week or so ago she prescribed one that causes dizziness, insomnia, headaches, nausea ect.. I have all those already!! It’s also a drug used for patients with Bi-Polar, which I do not have. I refused to take it, when I read up on it it even says ‘cannot help with a depressed mood’. In the past, I was a guinea pig. I tried just about every anti-depressant, and combinations ect.. I don’t want to do this again. I either tell her I’m not comfortable in taking the med she recently prescribed, or tell her I tried it and couldn’t tolerate the side effects. ughh

Since I spoke of my art .. here’s a picture of a sunset I took back in April, I think it was Easter Sunday as I hardly ever walk along the River, as it’s not close to my place. I wish I had a car, I go watch the sunsets everyday and here the rapids moving. Enjoy.  (I don’t know how to add it, oh well)