Dear IpkR09:

I am glad to spend my time on your thread.

In the post before last you wrote that his mother tried to listen to his phone conversations with you, checked his phone for texts and read them when he was asleep,  disapproved of him shutting the door to his own room, demanded that he tells her the reason he wants to go out with friends (at 22 years old), the reasons he wants “to go explore someplace”. You wrote that he was often angry with her, his voice raised when talking to her.

In the recent post you shared that you encouraged him to hug his mother so that he will not regret not hugging her when she is gone.

My input: you inaccurately projected your experience with your parents into him. You feel comfortable hugging your mother and you will regret it later if you don’t hug her at every opportunity, so you assumed it is the same for him. That was your mistake. Unlike you he is angry at his mother. A person should not hug another when angry, it is not natural.

I understand that she was very tight with money and didn’t give him enough, but I let this issue be. I am focusing on her invading his privacy. This is something wrong that she is doing to him. She has been hurting him this way, harming is mental health by doing so and this is why he is angry at her.

When he complained to you about her invading his privacy, did you respond by defending his mother, telling him that it is okay she is invading his privacy because she is his mother, because she raised him without help and so on, that he shouldn’t be angry at her and instead hug her as often as possible?

anita