Dear Simona:

Reads to me that what he didn’t get from his parents, what they didn’t give him, is guidance. I can see them being kind and loving, supportive, generous, not imposing, these are wonderful things.

On the other hand, a child needs guidance: what to do when angry? What to do when sad? When to reach out and when to hold back, when to approach, when to withdraw. What to do when wanting two things at the same time, when in conflict…

They gave him freedom, and that is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, for any parent, a child needs so much. Not only freedom, but guidance within that freedom.

And so he doesn’t know what to do: he wants this and he wants that and the two contradict, so … what to do? He doesn’t know.

For example: he wanted you and he wanted other women, what to do? He figured maybe an open relationship is the answer. It wasn’t the answer for him.

His main challenge may be not knowing what to do when he has conflicting needs.

anita