Dear Matt:

It is human nature to want to feel connected to others.

In the relationship between you and your parents, the following is true: you as a child were capable and eager to connect. I know because children are naturally this way. It is your parents, adults by the time you knew them, who rejected your efforts to connect with them. The lack of connection was their doing, not yours. You believed it was your fault, therefore you felt shame. Children do that, take responsibility where none of it is theirs. None was and is yours in regard to the lack of contact with your parents.

In your current relationship, there is your part in the poor connection and there is hers. There is more of a shared responsibility here. (She may very well not be a good choice for a girlfriend, I don’t know).

Going back to visit your family is not a good idea, here you go for more of that misery. Why not… not go?

anita