Hey Anita

I could choose to not go, but I feel just as lonely here where I currently live, and things not working out so good with my girlfriend. I have such a bad conscience I don’t know what to do, it’s making me panic cause I know I can’t share theese feelings with her since I know it would hurt her alot and make her really angry. The bad conscience comes from always doubting whether I want to be with her or not, which I know she picks up on, because I become distant.

I don’t want to hurt her, but I also don’t want to “lead her on” if this is truly not right for me. I don’t know what to do!! My mentor, a teacher I have at my university says that I’m running away from something wanting to end the relationship, and it feels like he’s kind of angry at me for not figuring this out, which makes me really afraid that I’ll also loose him. I don’t know what to do, I feel so lonely and helpless and I have sp much bad conscience and shame for feeling this way