Anita, thank you so much for these replies, they’re really helping me!

I’m not sure about the mentor, he hasn’t answered my texts yet; but he says he doesn’t understand why I’m making this so hard and what the problem is. He asks me why I can’t just love her.
I think my girlfriend can notice my distancing, and my shame for being distant and unsure. I make myself really small and I talk in an uncertain and submissive manner. Because of all the bad conscience I’m feeling I’m pretty sure I come across as pretty small and submissive because I’m not owning up to what I feel or to “who I am”. This being small is making her angry, though mostly she doesn’t express it directly, she answers by distancing herself too, which makes me feel even more small.

Your question about the anger:
Last time this happened was some days ago when she told me I was “nice and weird”. I got a bit unsure what she meant about weird, it hurt me a bit, so I asked her what she meant about it. Then she became quite angry at me for getting hurt and being negative about it and making it into a big deal, or “a never ending negativity”.
Another time was when she had been doing some homework with a classmate of hers, and I got kind of jealous since they have a pretty good tone, and also jealous of the fact that she seemed much happier after having been together with him than she was with me. I didn’t listen properly to what she said when I met her, and I asked her to repeat it and she yelled it at me. I told her this hurt me. Telling her didn’t really resolve the way I was feeling though.. At first it made her sad that she had hurt me, and I felt bad for it immediately, since I realized that the hurt from her yelling at me wasn’t the real problem, it was something that was already there when I walked into the room. At this point my negative self-talk really started to get momentum and I just shut down into myself since I didn’t want to share my negative self-talk, because the last time I did this she got pretty frustrated because she didn’t know what to do about it and felt responsible for helping me.
I ended up saying I had to go for a walk alone to calm down, and we agreed to meet later. This was when I realized I had to start working on my self-talk and self-image.
This feeling of bad conscience keeps reoccurring and keeps me feeling small and ashamed, making me behave in a way that really irritates her. I think that’s when her anger comes in, when that ashamed and bad conscience-feeling just takes over and I shut down because I don’t know what to say to her. That feeling is also what keeps making me feeling hurt from her small sarcastic comments, almost as a way to find faults or to stick to negative aspects of the relationship to justify my doubts about the whole thing in general. When I talk to her about how I feel jealous or my insecurities, it never seems to resolve, and I always end up feeling even more like an idiot or ashamed or bad conscience than before I brought it up, so I’ve kind of stopped bringing things up, and I’ve also started to question where these feelings come from, and whether they’re actually resolvable together with her, if they origin from an intuitive feeling saying I shouldn’t be together with her, or whether they have something to do with something even deeper than that, some fear of intimacy or connection.
I feel like I can’t really blame her for getting angry at me, since I’m not able (or I don’t dare) to fully communicate and take responsibility for what I’m feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I ask her to resolve some of these feelings for me in a very indirect way, hoping that she’ll say something that will make it better. I can understand that this makes her really confused and helpless and therefore angry. The thing is that I’m feeling just as confused and can’t really wrap my head around whether these feelings of bad conscience and guilt come from me knowing that I really want to leave but just haven’t found the guts to tell her, or if they come from something else, or if there could be some way for us (or me) to work / look at the relationship that would stop making me doubt what we have together all the time.