Hello Helen

I’ve tried some of sharing my hobbies /activities with her, but not very much. I think I have a tendency to get stuck in my insecurities and the negative aspects of my life, not just when I’m together with her, but in general.
It could be an idea to try to do this; but then I would have to reconnect with the things I like to do, and spend more time on those things that going around being anxious about the relationship, so that I actually have something to share.
Right now, pretty much everything that goes on in my mind are my doubts and anxieties.

I think you’re very right about the other person becoming more distant when they sense distancing from the other one, and this definitely goes back and forth making a negative circle. Sometimes I manage to break through the cycle and be really loving and secure in myself. Those moments have been quite nice.

Other relationship patterns:
1. I often make myself into a smaller version of myself in my relationships to fit in with the other person, and not really stating my needs or being upfront about things or behaviors from the other person that I don’t appreciate. Yeah in general I make myself smaller and a little bit into a doormat sometimes. This includes a kind of passiveness that has led the other person to be unsure of what I want to do, or my preferences around certain things. Two of my girlfriends have said they wanted me to tell them what I wanted, so they didn’t feel like they were overriding me.
2. I can easily get pretty jealous. It doesn’t take much, even if someone is having a nice conversation with her, or if she talks to somebody that seems more secure and masculine that I do. Also if somebody else likes her that’s enough to make me jealous, even though she says she likes me and isn’t in love with that other person. I even got jealous when she talked about how one of her older teachers would drink coffee with her.
3. The last one I can think of is the one I already talked about, they one about doubting my feelings for the other person, and doubting whether I want to be in the relationship at all, making me hold back and be quite distant.

I don’t know, maybe these three patterns are part of the same pattern or underlying issue? I would really like to resolve this, even if it means that I should break up with this girl or have a different approach with her. I just want clarity and to understand myself, ’cause this is really driving me nuts.