Dear RedDress:

I will share with you a bit about my experience which has a similarity to yours: my mother complained to me a whole lot about other people using her, abusing her, taking advantage of her, deceiving her, and on and on and on. A whole lot of that talk, day after day, year after year, pointing out to me how untrustworthy people are, how they do and will deceive me. I stayed away from those other people, not trusting (we children believe our parents, naturally).

One would think perhaps, that my mother and I were close, since everyone else is untrustworthy, then the two of us trusted each other, were close.. but no, she blamed me that I used her too, that I abused her, took advantage of her, deceived her. I was no exception, in her mind. I was like all those  other people.

But notice this: when she blamed me for what was farthest from the truth, for deceiving her, for having the intention of hurting her, by this very claim, she betrayed me. And so, she left me alone, alone with her and alone in the rest of the untrustworthy people out there.

My mother claimed repeatedly that I was a difficult child. I believed her. I still wonder if there is any truth to it. Maybe she was referring to me getting sick when I was a baby, having had to take me to a hospital for the weeks or months I spent there. I suppose that was difficult for her.

anita