Dear Pip:

Before and until we learn the very valuable skill of assertiveness, we are either passive or aggressive, moving on the spectrum between the two, experiencing great internal turmoil. Acting assertively is a learned behavior that takes learning and practice. It also takes courage because there is distress in asserting, fear.

Sometimes, more often than I wish it were so, even when you are assertive, people will not cooperate and then you may have to leave those people and the situation you are in. But being assertive will increase- by a lot- your chances of having better circumstances in life, and it will reduce, by a lot, your internal turmoil.

Do let me know, if you will, what you know about assertiveness and what would be the assertive way to communicate with your roommates regarding the lack of cleanliness in the shared apartment?

anita