Dear Isha:

Regarding castes, you wrote that the two of you are of lower castes, but his is lower than yours. My question is: why would it be a problem for him/ his family if he marries a woman of a bit higher caste? I am trying to understand the logic of it, figuring it would be a problem to marry a lower caste, not the same/ or a bit higher one. I hope you can explain this to me.

“Is he really not into me?” – from your share, the following is true:

1. He was sexually attracted to you. He wanted to be with you sexually every time that he was.

2. He was more interested in satisfying his sexual needs than he was in your well-being. He knew that you were taught that sex must follow marriage, and that you didn’t want to betray your family’s teaching and trust, and yet he continued to pursue you sexually.

3. He had some emotional attachment to you (“He cried once when I was about to leave him”)

4. His attachment to you is way, way weaker than his attachment to his family.

5. He was never close to marrying you, never proposed or took any steps toward it. He may have never considered it at all or never considered it seriously.

You wrote, “if I am the one to blame then tell me what improvements do I need to make”- I think that the mistake you made was to be involved with him sexually. You were not married to him and it is against the value you were taught and agree with, that is, to be sexual before marriage.

I think that you are educated, you presented your thoughts in an organized fashion. Problem is no one educated you regarding what you should do out in the world regarding men. Probably instructed: no sex before marriage! But you were not told or taught what to do about your own need for a man’s attention, how to interact with a man who shows interest in you, and so on.

Therefore you were clueless, is my feel for the situation. You were young and clueless. Regarding the improvements you mentioned, I would say: educate yourself on the matter of relationships with men so to proceed in a wiser way in your next relationship.

I hope to read your thoughts and feelings regarding my reply to you. When I do, I will reply again.

anita