Dear joanna:

To be able to answer your question “Did this happen to you?”, I need to know what this is. I want to look into what this short relationship has been so far.

You met him a couple of years ago, recently he texted you.  You met June 23, first date. You were at a café. You ended that date telling him you have to go. He told you at that point and texted you later that he had a good time and maybe you can do it again. You texted him back: “me too”. He didn’t respond to that text for a while. Later he asked you what kind of food you like and many other questions. He told you that he likes it that you are organized and plan ahead and that you are “so joyful and smiling all the time”.

Later, following the first date still, he texted you how he is infatuated with you, that he wants to be yours, that you can be forever in his life, that he will treat you like no one ever did. You told him you felt a bit overwhelmed with his kind of talk. Once you went dancing with friends and he texted you that he can’t sleep until you were home safe. During the second date you were at his place and started kissing, “But something happened and he said he can’t. You said it is okay. He then apologized, saying he “felt pressure for it to  be perfect and just couldn’t”. He just sat there and you said: I am going home.

On a third date, a Saturday, he proposed a massage so you took off your t-shirt and “one thing led to another”. You also talked and watched movies. He begged you to stay for the night. You said: maybe next time. He insisted. You didn’t stay the night.

Later on he told you that you are afraid of commitment, that you went to his place “just to have sex”, that you provoked him by taking off your t-shirt, which he said he didn’t ask you to do. He said you wanted sex and that you are “not capable of feeling anything or being in love”, that you didn’t want to hug or cuddle, and “it doesn’t feel right”.

Is my description correct?

I have a couple of questions for you:

1. How long did the first date with him last and how do you know how long it was (did you watch the time)?

2. You wrote, “Every time I went on a date with someone else I never wanted to do this, not before I trusted someone”. You were referring to sexual activity. But the other man in your life that you shared about in previous threads, about whom we communicated at length, you didn’t trust him but had sex with him nonetheless. Can you explain to me the sentence I quoted?

anita