Hi Maxine

I’m really sorry you are going through this.  For what it’s worth I think you have been very strong and shown a lot of compassion for your partner.  But you are not happy, and you feel lost, and tired, and overwhelmed. There are more women in your position than you might think…all of them wondering if they should stay or leave. It’s clear your feelings for him have changed…I think you have given up on the idea that he will change and subsequently lost respect for him (not in a bad way, but in an understandable way).

In my humble opinion, I think you should find a small, affordable apartment for you and the kids. Then sit him down and explain very gently and as lovingly as possible that you are desperately unhappy in the relationship (and that you think he is too) and that you can’t see how continuing the way you have been will bring either of you any real happiness. Explain that you will always be connected because if the children, and that you are not interested in being with someone else right now, that all you want is a trial separation to see if you might both be happier living apart from each other.  Be really honest with him and say the things you need to (but calmly).  Explain how you have felt increasingly isolated and alone in the relationship, that his use of marijuana isn’t conducive to the kind of family life you want for all if you. That you are tired of waiting for things to change and have now come to the realization that you have to make a change for yourself and the kids.  That you just want good things for all of you, and maybe that means living apart. He may feel a sense of relief, if he’s feeling the same way, or he may get angry and upset, but either way he will have to acknowledge that things can’t stay as they are. It might be the wake up call he needs, and perhaps he will finally “get it” and make some real changes.  Or maybe he won’t and your trial separation will become a permanent one. Whatever happens, I honestly don’t think you will regret giving yourself a chance at happiness again.

I wish you all the best. Please let me know how you get on 🙂