Dear Sheelanagig:

You are welcome and thank you for the appreciation. To “help that connection between her and (you) grow”, notice that most of you is still the child.

This is my understanding: you are still “confused and clueless as to what is going on in the adult world”. In the relationship with the man you referred to as “S”, you viewed yourself as the child, and him as the adult. You “told him all (your) most intimate secrets and fears” so that he will take care of you, resolve those fears. Isn’t it so?

And when you realized he was living with another woman, not having told you that for months, you figured (after a while) that he was a narcissist who targeted you and groomed you- the words you used, as if he was a child molester who targeted a child and groomed her.

I don’t think he targeted and groomed you. I think he wanted what he wanted and went for it, selfishly, not considering your welfare. He wasn’t a man who practiced the value of do-no-harm and of honesty.

Before I go on, if you would want me to go on, let me know what you think so far, and if you do look at others (men only; maybe men and women) of your age as the adults, looking at them from the viewpoint of a child needing their help?

anita