Dear Lola:

Some of our fears are not realistic and some are. It is important to distinguish between the two groups of fears. Like I wrote to you a bit earlier, when you display aggression toward a person you claim to love, you harm the person and the relationship. Best you can do is learn from it and not repeat. There is no use in ruminating over it. The only use is in correcting your behavior.

For as long as you are focused solely on how you feel, and you don’t consider how your behavior affects another, or consider it as less important, there will be little healing, if any. As the social animals that we are, we have a social responsibility to do no harm to others. Our personal distress does not justify harming others.

I suggest making a practice of seeing the bigger picture, seeing beyond Lola-and-Lola’s-anxiety. See that your behavior with others promotes your mental health by being socially responsible as well as responsible for yourself.

anita