Dear Manyfires:

You are welcome. In regard to  letting go of the hurt and the anger at your aunt, siblings, the people who scapegoated you when you were a teenager and on, and still, I would say that it is most important that you have no contact with any of them, none whatsoever, not a word exchanged for any reason. It must be clear to any one of them that indeed you will have no interaction with them, no matter what, that you will never again see them, or hear their voices.

You must make yourself perfectly unavailable for any future scapegoating, the replaying of the old or being the target to scapegoat you in new situations.

When I cut all contact with my mother, it was important to me that the no contact exists no matter what. I had to trust myself this way, to no longer put myself in a situation where I see her or hear her voice.

When you are safe this way, trusting yourself to no longer be mistreated by these particular people, then, in that safety, the hurt and anger can slowly weaken. Anger motivates all animals to fight, this is the purpose of anger in nature. When you feel safe, there is no longer danger, no longer the need to fight, and the anger weakens.

anita