Dear anita,

I haven’t feel seen, heard, understood and being taking care of since my mom died when I was 18. I definitely have some childhood issues, but I dont think they are very big. No more than an average person.

The reality is I am a strong and independent person when it comes to «make things done». Emotionally however, I am not independent. I would say I am more dependent than an average person.

Just to give an example : many years ago I had a boyfriend. We lived in different country and were seeing each other maybe twice a year for few weeks. I was fine with this long distance relationship and the fact that we dont see each other often. Was not jealous. I was sure of his love and knew that at any point he would walk an extra mile for me. It is if it is almost the most important thing for me that the person want and is whiling to do his best. If this is impossible for the objective reason, then I am fine, but I am not fine with the subjective reason (tired, does not feel like …). I think that I come across as demanding, and I probably am. You know this feeling of being receiving «for free», without begging or nagging. I dont really recall.

I  realize that being demanding, it can pull people out.

My husband is a low energy person. He was raised by the parents which did everything for him. The family greatest value was to relax, to rest and to do nothing. No wonder he became who he is.

But he is not mean, just weak.

I always try to look in the positive side. I don’t have a real reason to divorce. He does nothing really awful. And, holding in mind how my son would be devastated and not seeing anything good I can potentially get from the divorce, I don’t feel motivated enough and I prefer shut down my dreams and needs.

It is just at times, when I see the “greener grass”, I feel a punch in my heart and think that I missed my life… I dont believe there is a solution. If not to settle and practice radical acceptance which I try to apply without much success.