Dear Maddy:

You are welcome.

In your original post, you wrote about the relationship (not in this order): “It was truly quite the love affair- the stuff you see in movies… I was willing to start over, even if it meant leaving my job, beautiful town, and good friends. After all, why be in a perfect location with the perfect job if you don’t have someone you love to share it all with?… I didn’t ultimately care about the financial cost of maintaining our relationship- I would have spent a million bucks if it meant being with my new family”

A movie (“the stuff you see in movies”  lasts two hours or so. On the other hand, moving to his town, re-arranging your employment situation, living without and away from your perfect job, perfect location and good friends, that would have lasted way longer than two hours. The flowers, the “stuff you see in movies” lose the affect as day follows day, week follows week, months and years.

You have this value that love is more important than (more) money and I agree. But you do have some love where you live, your friends, and it is possible for you to find love where you live, keeping your job and your friends. So why not, why move away?

I think you made the right choice for you. You miss his son and you miss him, that is understandable. But the cost of this love story was too high for you. For a relationship to work well, to be healthy, it must be a win-win prospect, win for you and win for him. Overall, didn’t seem like a win for you. And if you did move to his town, over time, I suppose your disappointment and frustration would have translated to a no-win for him as well.

Question is, then, since you value love so much, how can you find it and create it for yourself where you live.

anita