Dear miranam:

I want to respond to different things you wrote in your recent posts, not in order:

“many researchers point out the fact that the quality of our lives are strongly correlated with the quality of our relationships. This one- I get it fully. And this is what I miss in my life”- what it comes down to is the simple fact that we humans are social animals. Just like any other social animal, we can’t be content without satisfactory relationships with others. A turtle, a solitary animal, can be content without, but not a social animal.

“When we (therapist and you) started our sessions about a year ago, I formulated my goal as to be able to reach emotional independence. Not being affected by anyone. Not rely on anyone emotionally. I would do anything to reach this state of mind for I am so drained”- it is impossible for a social animal to be “emotionally independent”, to not be “affected by anyone”, and “to be complete and self sufficient”. It is draining to attempt the impossible, again and again.

“My relationship with my husband is one sided. If I provide him with comfort, it works, but as soon as I am in need, he distances himself from me”- putting aside the socially respectful term “husband” and “marriage”, what relationship between a woman and a man has this one-sided dynamic of the woman providing the man with comfort?

“He (your son) always was rebellious and difficult kid… in his 13 he is very self-absorbed, arrogant and selfish”- think about this: he has observed you giving and giving his whole life. He observed his father taking and taking. He observed you being miserable. He observed his father being… comfortable. Which person do you think he would want to be, the miserable one or the comfortable one?

anita