Dear anita and Prash,

Thank you again for your advice. I’ve been fluctuating between feeling at peace (with the knowledge that it was my anxiety at work and understanding what exactly it is that I need to work on) and feeling a sense of loss for a potentially great job offer and great professional relationship. Whenever I catch myself thinking that I was so close to getting the job (“oh, if only I did not cancel the interview the night before”), I think to myself that this wouldn’t have mattered. It wasn’t at all about whether I made it to the interview. This was about conquering my anxiety, which I wouldn’t have been able to do overnight.

I’m making small steps to alleviate my anxiety issues but I’m still in distress at work since 1) I’m still very burnt out by the internship/work environment and 2) I still have to interact with the hiring manager (who I burned the bridge with) frequently as a part of my internship duties. It’s also stressful to know that my reputation in the field is possibly known as unprofessional and unreliable, hindering my opportunities going forward.

I know progress doesnt happen happen over night. But I’m trying my best.