Dear Katie:

You wrote: “I’m the quiet kid, always have been. Always will be. I’m the shyest they come”.

April 22 of this year you wrote: “I think I am a very outgoing person naturally.. why am I so shy? Why am I so quiet? Because I know that naturally I am not. For some reason I am very afraid of saying/ doing the wrong things. I am afraid to be myself… when (people) get to know me ..they say I am expressive, loud, funny, etc.”

A couple of months before the above quote, February 20, you wrote: “My mom then told this one story about how it was my birthday in preschool and I stood up on a chair, then suddenly my teacher yelled at me (in not a nice way my mom recalls) for it and I threw a fit… Then I began thinking about how I remember throwing a fit at almost every single birthday party I had until I got older. The reason I threw a fit was because I felt such anxiety”.

Little girl Katie in preschool stood up on a chair and was yelled at by her teacher. Her mother was there to witness it and as she witnessed it, she did not stand by her young daughter. Instead, she thought and acted as if it wasn’t a big deal (“My mom says that it wasn’t a big deal”)

But it was a very big deal for young Katie. You said it yourself: “My mom says that it wasn’t a big deal… But why did I have so much anxiety at every one of my birthday parties? Why did I hate having the attention on me?”

Because the preschool teacher yelled at you when you did get her attention and your mother, being present, did not comfort you.

So young Katie figured there is something wrong with her and that she should not get the attention of teachers anymore, so to not draw attention to that which is wrong with her.

And then, your mother reinforced your belief that there is something wrong with you. February 20 you wrote: “she (your mother) told me that all the teachers thought something was wrong with me. They made my parents have me taken to see a therapist to find out what was wrong”.

My summary, my thoughts: there was nothing wrong with you in pre-school, there was something wrong with the teacher who yelled at you and there was something wrong with your mother who thought and behaved as if it was not a big deal.

There was nothing wrong with you throughout school and there is nothing wrong with you now. There has been something wrong with your mother for reinforcing in your brain the false belief that there is something wrong with you.

You’ve been quiet all along so to hide a wrong that doesn’t exist. As to your current thread, I suppose teachers don’t notice you because you are still hiding. I think it is time for you to figuratively- maybe even literally- stand up on a chair and make yourself noticed.

anita