Dear Lily:

There is nothing stupid about needing people, about liking a man and wanting to spend time with him. There is nothing stupid about “wanting to change something”, and “give it a shot”. If only you are okay with making mistakes, if you understand that everyone makes mistakes, then you an learn from them and become wiser.

No one is born wise. Intelligent, yes, but not wise. Wisdom comes from learning from mistakes, learning how to live so that we can have as good a life as is possible for us.

There is no magic. There is learning. Are you willing to learn?

With this man, it is okay that you told him you attend therapy, but not instead of telling him you were uncomfortable. It was unwise to proceed when uncomfortable. If he is a decent person, maybe he would have helped you to do what you needed to do: to not proceed at that time, to wait. Maybe later, if he and you chose, you could have met again and talked more. Maybe over time you would have felt comfortable enough.

You did communicate to him, according to my understanding, that you are not worthy of him. Maybe he believes you. He probably doesn’t feel that confident about himself, unlike what you think, he probably doesn’t feel that he has his life together. He probably lacks self confidence himself. If you meet him again, or someone else, remember that: it only seems like he (whomever he is) has it all together, but it is not likely. In a relationship try to aim at helping each other instead of imagining he is all  powerful and capable of helping the helpless, needy you.

We really are in this life together, we do need each other. You are not the only needy one.

anita