Dear Yohanes:

I think it is a good thing that I make you think. I understand you regret things you said and did, but likely you are not the only one in this relationship who said and did the wrong things. There is hope or you because you can learn from this relationship and make better choices in the future.

You can choose a girlfriend better, see to it that the two of you have the same goal in the relationship and that the two of you are able to be loving toward each other, not  only in words, but in behavior.

Maybe you should  seek counseling/ psychotherapy so to process what happened and see hope for your future.

anita