Hi Pash

I am unable to love myself that is foremost bad choice. I feel extremely guilty to point i feel i have hurt so many people. I forget the times i used to feel sad and let down and so much tension that i cant tell you. Seeing the bank balances going negative within first week used to give jitters. I had reached a stage of indifference and his demands were not reducing. There was a point where he wanted to take a loan of 22 l again to buy a vehicle and i literally begged him that i cant afford this lifestyle. We were showing to world that we are luxurious and have no happiness in life. I was under so much pressure that I used to feel guilty if i buy anything for myself. I kept all his family happy loved them as mine even more but when time came they all including my soulmate sided to take over property. Made stories. It broke me to core to see my life of 8 years crumble before me. For first time i was angry for being right. No amount of compensation can make me same or right or feel ok again. But as i said there is this other inner voice which wants to live so bad, it keeps telling me to move one and there is other which still follows him on social media only to tell myself that i am responsible for troubles he is going through. I should have jus stayed and he would have been happy at my expense. Its a feeling like talking to wall. I used to tell him all my troubles and he will say its in your mind or you dont know how lucky you are dont complain people are in worse situations.

So the biggest bad choice is feeling guilty all the time and in my imaginary world where i am not ready to accept that he didnt love me. If he did only thing which mattered would have been is that we should be together at this very moment. But that happens in movies.