Dear Anita,

Thank you for your insight ! 🙂

“In other words, you are kind to others because you fear them.” If there is some truth to this sentence, I would like to try to nuance it : I think that perfectly applies to the relationship I have now with my best friend, in the sense that I would like to detach myself from her but at the same time, I feel guilty for even feeling like this and yes, a part of me fears her reaction.Right now, I am just trying to focus on my studies and I talk to her less and less… But I am not as firm as I would want to be because I apprehend her reaction

I feel trapped because I want to leave but at the same time, I know how destructive and malevolent she can be if you upset her

But generally speaking, I wouldn’t say I am kind and polite because I fear people’s reaction if I behave otherwise. That was not the case with my best friend before those events. When I dislike people, I am mocked because I am usually “not mean” even when I think I behave “unkindly” or “inconsiderately”. Do you think that is because I subconsciously try to avoid theirs reactions if I offend them ?

Generally, I don’t think I care or fear people’s reaction enough to let it dictate my behavior honestly. I am not mean to people I dislike because I don’t want to and I think it’s bad to hurt others.

Actually, I have another best friend, that I have known for over 10 years as well (I met them all at once) and she’s the sweetest person I know. Our personalities are similar because she is shy, introverted, not assertive as well…

And although I don’t “fear” her reaction if I harm her, I can’t even imagine myself doing that without hurting :/

Yet, I fear my former friend as you pointed it out. And I used to fear my mother when I was a child

“But angry inside you take revenge, such as in the case of sending that email to the company. Interesting, how it is you who is taking the revenge you are afraid others will take against you”  Yeah, what I did was really really awful :/

I still feel bad about it … And you are right, I did take revenge 🙁 I think that has something to do with the fact I wanted to force an end to the friendship without confronting her, which is incredibly cowardly…

I felt like if I did this, then the friendship would definitely be over. Because you can’t be “friends” with someone if you are able to harm them ! I don’t know if that makes sense

A part of me want to end the friendship because that brings out the worst in me (I feel angry, resentful although I don’t want to feel that way about anyone) and I can’t be genuinely happy for her as I used to. I am sure that anger will turn to indifference in time but first, I have to let go

If you want to read about it, I explained about 16 days ago in that thread how my relationship with my friend went south. If you are interested, would you have a look ?

Thank you ! 🙂

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Naia.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Naia.