Dear riris:

Reads to me that I misunderstood your writing style for indicating a sense of power and entertainment on your part when it is more about English not being your mother tongue.

In your original post you mentioned these behaviors as part of your toxic behavior: anger fits, cheating, saying negative things, playing the victim role, and talking about myself”-

Talking about yourself as you do here on your thread is not a bad thing, not a toxic behavior. I hope you continue to talk about yourself here and in your personal relationships.

Your anger fits and saying negative things, maybe that anger did originate in you trying to please your mother again and again, and yet again, but “it was never enough”. A child gets angry when she tries so hard and it is not enough.

Regarding the cheating: maybe it is a way to distract yourself from the thoughts and feelings that come with that “it’s never enough” message, something exciting to focus on and in so doing, forget the usual not-enough state of mind.

What do you think/feel about what I wrote here?

anita