H A P P Y     B IR T H D A Y, J E N N Y    L Y N N !!!

This and the posts to follow are not light-and-fun so you may want to read them after your birthday. I did the italicizing and I retyped your words, with some minor changes to spelling, punctuations and such.

Jenny Lynn in her own words, part one:

what Jenny Lynn does not need in a relationship, what she does not need in a man:

Nov 17, 2017: “I think the relationship I am in right now is killing me… slowly.. Like I’m living with a stranger. I just can’t do it… He does the silent treatment a lot… He gets mad when he doesn’t feel ‘special’ or like I didn’t think about him.. He gets mad if I don’t text him back in a certain amount of time… Things I literally have no control over. He gets really irritated when I miss his phone calls… he is just really mean. Simple as that; as mean as someone can be without hitting me, calling me out my name, or yelling. He is more manipulative than anything. He does a lot of stuff just to get a reaction out of me or to make me sweat.

Nov 21: Sometimes I just sit and think: is it supposed to be easier than this?… or will we constantly conflict? I just know something needs to change because I wouldn’t spend the next 30 years of my life the same way as this one has went.

Nov 28: I am tired of the arguing. I have no more time for it.

Nov 29: When he didn’t respond for 36 minutes the other day.. I don’t get mad, I think 1. He’s at work. 2. He’s not looking at this phone. 3. He’s busy.. or a dozen other logical reasons he couldn’t… HIM- It’s straight to the negative. There’s never a benefit of the doubt.

Nov 30: I am the person who always has to prompt for the resolution of things. Otherwise it will just go un-discussed and fester… I explained the concept of him seeking out problems where there are none… Why would I PURPOSEFULLY ignore you… just in general WHY?…I was like ‘seriously the arguing has to stop. I can’t handle it.

Feb 7, 2018 his mood.. has been reallllly wearing on my nerves.. It’s always annoying when someone complains about a situation they could have avoided... He wasn’t bringing any income.. didn’t have a job… But he still complains... he missed 2 of his car payments… Where did the money go? I am confused.. Our rent being due was stressing him.. His moodiness comes off so spiteful…bad attitudes are contagious. Today he woke up in some silly little mood.

Feb 12 I gained a lot of weight.. I just need a consistent positive environment to produce change. His wishy washy moodiness stifles that. Because I care for him so I absorb his mood and usually he is mean when he’s mad so that usually ends up making me upset, angry, whatever and I no longer can focus on what I need to have an efficient complete day… BOOM he’s mad on Thursday he manages to drag it out long enough.. argue for hours now it’s 12 am and you don’t get enough sleep. Or even just the general stress that comes with waking up in the space of someone with an attitude.

March 16: he’s still annoyed and not talk to me, or ignore me for days.

April 10: He makes me weak.. he does not bring out the best in me, he stresses me to the point where it physically affects me, I am not respected, and I am only heard at his discretion, he judges me, he doesn’t rust me… it’s toxic, it’s unhealthy.. I found myself that next day questioning who I was…he was now my judge and jury… He was almost persecuting me for having ‘not’ told him about me and Leo (I am 100% positive I told him)… he acts like he never heard it before and so now that changes everything to him supposedly and that he would have left me a long time ago if he had known that etc., etc…And then I had to snap back to reality for a second and take a good look. I was picking myself apart about something that will NEVER change because it’s the past. and for what? He’s not a virgin… He needs to get off his f*&^ high horse and stop judging people..

I bow out. I am not strong enough to self sooth through his anger the rest of my life…There is probably someone who is either strong enough… or weak enough to fulfil him. It isn’t me  though.

April 11: me.. Jenny Lynn cannot function in a relationship lined in anger. Maybe someone else can.. but I cannot.

He was a mean person who did nice things (sometimes)… He was nice like a noun to bestow me with a gift of niceness and remove it whenever as well.

**  Nov 28: John may have been all the things he was but he was still an easy going guy you know. Seeing him mad was easily said to be ‘out of the ordinary’… we just never sweat the small stuff you know. That’s what I miss about him.