I probably wont call off the friendship, that’s more of my anger talking. I’ll just wish her the best in life and hope she does amazing in her new businesses and text her sometime later down the road next year maybe. You know me, I can’t be mean even if I try.

Oh and 1 last thing that’s been bugging me recently. Why does it seem like things are changing? As I’ve posted in this thread we have had awesome times together. Like that walk along the water flirting, the time i fell down the hill on my butt at the ocean, the time she helped me to the doctors the first time and the walk along the water, to the water, then back, when I got the text from her telling me she loved our present you gave me an idea for (the mug), my first day at the counsellors me calling her so she can calm me down and told me she loves me, the time in the car I swear it looked like she wanted me to kiss her, which i felt awkward and left, the time we had dinner together which was too loud and she wanted it to just be coffee dates so we could talk, the phone calls. 2018 feels like it’s pretty dead now, next to no texts, only 1 hangout, 0 phone calls, no updates on eachother lives anymore, the text she gave me in the summer she said she can’t talk about what she’s doing when before she would have told me, instead I find out at work and the last to know, then when I saw her a few weeks ago she invited me and everyone else to join her at a show, and tells me she’s been thinking of me recently and will message me so we can catch up.

I think I may have figured something out though…I say I don’t text her because it’s just me texting first, but I think I don’t really wanna text her so I don’t. I’m not sure about the phone calling thing though, i’ve had a phobia around her with that preventing me from doing it thinking she is gonna be pissed anytime I call her, so we kinda just randomly stopped. If we stayed friends at all maybe it’s something to talk about during a coffee or something? like ask if I can call her again and maybe try calling more often. I’ve never really had a friendship like this before, it’s mostly just people I work with or go to school with, not hang out and get to know except when I was a small kid and the parents loved me as their own kid, IDK what happened with that friendship though, something happened and I kept running away from him and it ended after many years being friends, I also had a small 1 during high school but him and his friend ended up talking shit behind my back the whole time laughing thinking we were friends. But these years I mostly stay home playing video games forgetting the world.