Dear Alisa:

You wrote: “I’ve only had fireworks with guys that were short ‘things’ like a few weeks or dates, or it was one sided (coming from me)”. Regarding long term relationships, you were “really extremely unhappy with (not in love, no fireworks)”-

I think that you have a very bad experience with long term relationships, starting not with your own first long term relationship, but with your parents’. You experienced their relationship as a witness, you were there and their relationship brought you anxiety and bad feelings.

This is why you may be feeling badly in your current good relationship with a loving man. Not because there is anything wrong with it but because you have such bad memories from your parents’ marriage and your own long term relationships.

If you can separate the two- your memories and the reality of this current relationship, you will be okay. Does that make sense to you?

anita