PS: I went to a therapist on Tuesday and it felt good. Even though I was blurting everything out and saying so many confusing things and overthinking overanalyzing everything. She asked me if I would be open for a meditation next time to get out of my head and into my feelings. Since seeing her I’ve realized I am not at all in touch with my emotions or feelings. My boyfriend and I had longs talks since he knows everything that happened and what I didn’t realize or could see or feel, was that whats botters him (apart from the heartbreak, lying and cheating) is that I was still just talking and trying to find reasons why I did it instead of just holding him, showing him I love him and stating him how I really feel about him.

Thank you for replying by the way, feels good to write it all out. Really appreciate it.