Dear Lucy:

I read/ re-read your posts. One  thing  that jumped  up from the screen for me was  this sentence regarding your parents’ relationship: “fights/pain/frustrations could  never be resolved or cleared up but  just put away until the  next fight where everything got blurted out”- that was their impulsivity that you witnessed. Similarly,  your feelings are “put away until the  next” drunken episode where you let loose, parallel to “everything got blurted  out”.

I  have a few questions so to help me understand more:

1. You mentioned  that after you told your boyfriend everything, you had “revelations about.. my  childhood/family relationships”. What are those revelations?

2. You wrote: “My boyfriend feels I have never  known what  he wants”- did he tell you what he wants, and if so, what  did he tell you that he  wants, specifically?

3.  You wrote regarding the relationship with your boyfriend: “I had always felt some kind of restriction… I had this feeling  of so many expectations… of doing what is right.. or what touch he would like instead of just grabbing  him and  kissing him how I felt”-

a. Did your boyfriend express disapproval of you when you did something spontaneously with him; has he been critical of you?

b. In your childhood home, while your parents were fighting  and in-between their fights, what  did you do (and what did you avoid doing) to stop their fighting  or prevent the next  one?

anita