Hi Joanna. I’m dealing with a lot of the same issues you mentioned. One saying that I find to be true is,”good intentions pave the way to hell”. As it seems the harder you try to improve yourself or your situation the crappier things become. I’ve had horrible luck and tough breaks going on 10 years now. Now I’m no angel and some things I brought upon myself. But the price I’ve paid for making bad decisions seems to far out weigh anything I’ve ever done.

Without going into too much detail in just the past two years alone I’ve suffered a job loss due to down sizing,a car repossession and loss of my apartment as well as having to give up my best friend of 7 years,my cat Layla. All this while working hard and trying to stay positive.

I’m divorced and have very little family. My sister who married well and has a huge home turned me away and would not let me stay in her home. She chose my lowest point to tell me what she thinks of me.I’m a loser,I married poorly,I can’t support myself,( I was married for 15 years and we never asked anyone for help so go figure) and she doesn’t want me around her grown sons who still live at home because they struggle with substance abuse.I’ve been sober for 3 years.

My ex wife treats me like a dog even though I’ve been there for her through thick and thin for 20 years. I currently have no job,no friends and sleep on the floor of my mothers in a retirement community. Suicide looks pretty good right now but I refuse to give up.

The main thing I’ve noticed in hard times is people will show their true colors.They’ll kick you when you’re down,or they’ll extend a hand in kindness. Many people mistakenly view karma as a tit for tat system of balance,It is not,It simply represents the dual nature of this reality,duality. Karma in humans is used a mechanism to find balance while here. And if you believe in reincarnation as many religions do,then you and I might be working through things done in past lives that we’re not even aware of in this present incarnation.

Please feel free to discuss this further and feel better.