Thank you for your advice Selkie. You articulated so well the thoughts that have passed through my mind. And I love that Maya Angelou quote, having contemplated it recently seeing as it relates to my experience.  I feel like I need validation on my beliefs about this guy before I make my next move, all the while knowing I need to work on believing my first instincts about other people’s characters and following through on my own convictions.

I find him sketchy not only because he follows thousands of females on Instagram or Facebook, but because he has women far younger than him on his social media accounts. Some look to be barely 18 or 19 years old! And in a sense, at that age, they are just young girls and not mature women. I can’t help but think why is a guy in his 40s acting like this for? And why on earth am I so attached to him despite all the shady signs he gives off?

It would seem he really has an emotional hold over me, and I lose the ability to be rational wherever he is concerned, even though I can see how his words don’t always match up with appropriate action, and he displays a character sorely lacking in integrity. I definitely lowered my standards to allow him back into my life and know I need to raise the bar again, since he is not treating me with respect. I can see that the connection between us is on shaky, uneven ground and he is calling the shots. I just find that he validates me in a way that no one else has, with all the nice things he says about me (when he is not ignoring me!), and the strong attraction I feel for him. I am attached to him and reluctant to let that validation go. It’s painful, as I do really care for him and feel a strong tie, probably because we were childhood school friends and come from similar backgrounds of experiencing family violence in the home. In a weird way, I see a part reflection of myself in him, although he is no longer the innocent school boy I remember.

He does come from a troubled past, but I thought he was making strides in the right direction to improve his lot in life. Sadly, this episode has proven to me that his behaviour relating to communication and appropriate socialisation with females has not changed from what I previously saw.

I guess the important question I need to address now is, do I cut my tie with him on Facebook, and if so, do I tell him why, or do I just exit without explanation? Does he even deserve to hear from me again after I let him back into my life a second time and he chose to blow it?

I am driving myself crazy second-guessing every scenario that might play out when I unfriend him, and how best to proceed to minimise the hurt that my heart has already taken. I am trying to fortify myself for that unfriending moment, which I fear is the only sane option now. It breaks my heart, because it means that there can be no further chances given to him and that scares me. I missed him so much the last time I unfriended him and dread having to slam the door shut for good this time.

Thank you.