Dear Perla:

“I walk away  from our arguments feeling so confused, and I feel like he tries to say things that don’t make sense just to deflect  blame onto me”

These are  my suggestions:

1. Don’t try to make  sense of what he tells you beyond this one making-sense point: his motivation is to have  power over you, to keep you in an inferior to him, submissive position. He will therefore say and do whatever it takes to accomplish this goal.

2. Don’t hope  that he will change if you become  a… good  enough wife. It was never about you being  good, it is about you being inferior to him, submissive. That is what good is for him. Don’t hope for love from him either. At best  you will receive the appearance of love when he wants  sex and  when  he  wants to take a  break and have a fun, relaxed  time.

3. You need someone, a  third party, to help you move  out as  soon as possible. You need that social support  because you are afraid to leave  him by  yourself. I suggest you connect with a support group for abused women, get  together in person with a group of such women and take their assistance to do just that, move out. There are shelters in places for  abused  women, shelters that are very nice homes. I spent some time in one a long  time ago.

What do you think/ feel?

anita