Hi Anita,

It is exactly like that. Even though he is now a grown man, his maturity is stunted, clearly evidenced by his penchant to engage in a sea of shallow online relationships. He has deep-seated psych issues that likely prevent him relating to another in a healthy way, and those issues of his are not something I am able to fix, nor should I want to fix.

I held him in fond regard from our childhood, even though I hold some bad memories from that time, too. Instead I choose to focus on the good memories, which included him.  He, on the other hand, focusses on the trauma he experienced. I’m not blaming him for that, because that it his decision on how to view his past. He did reveal that whenever he went through dark times, he would think of me, as his time spent with me when we were children was a lovely time for him. That news definitely did touch me, however, I think he is also associating me with the bad memories of the town we used to live in, and subconsciously that is pushing him away. The chasm that is forming again between us is wider than just this one issue. He has  a seemingly unhealthy addiction to women that prevents a meaningful connection from ever happening with me.

I don’t agree with the notion put forth by some here that he has a right to keep adding and interacting with these other women (some who are of questionable character), AFTER he admitted to me he was attracted to and ‘valued’ me. By continuing to interact with and divert his attentions on females elsewhere, he is sabotaging any chance of a genuine relationship happening with a real-life soul, namely me. Someone who cared enough about him to listen during his soul-baring conversations, whereas I doubt many of these other women would give a damn about his real-world problems! It does show me though that he does not have the necessary drive to pursue me, and is easily distracted by the plethora of online temptations that exist. If he doesn’t have the self-control and maturity to moderate his online behaviour when an opportunity is handed to him to advance a real friendship, then again, the connection between us will not be able to withstand that.

Social media for all its merits, causes significant problems for decent women like myself, because it enables men like him to treat women in a disrespectful or disposable manner. But I, too, am part of that problem if I enable the guy through accepting his substandard treatment whilst he chooses to flirt with a horde of other women.

And going back to what Wanki mentioned about how is the guy supposed to know he is meant to be monogamous? I guarantee that even if this guy had already met up with me and we ended up dating, he would have an exceptionally difficult time giving up his much-loved hobby of digitally stamp collecting other females, because this activity of his is bordering on addiction.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Dee.