Hi Anita,

I’ve been to therapy in the past, the therapist has suggested I move out of my parents house, it would make things easier for me.  My mother and I have a love hate relationship.  I agree she isn’t the best person to go to for advice because she has no dating experience and is still somewhat culturally backwards.

I also will try to incorporate some recent photos and rewrite my dating profile discription to include something about the weight issue and being successful at with my career.

A passive man will most likely will not be attractive to me. Part of the reason is my father, he is so nonchalant and doesn’t care about anything except for his work.  He doesn’t care what the house looks like, what we do all day, where we are, there’s no planning, there’s no activities. I do not want a father like that for my kids or a life partner for myself. I prefer someone who is balanced. Someone who is focused when they are at work but also gives their family time. Someone who plans dates, someone who is romantic. Someone that creates some excitement in my life and doesn’t settle into a boring routine for the next 50 years.   It’s bad enough we do a routine Monday thru Friday, I’m not looking for a party animal, just someone fun.  Someone that takes initiative. Although I’m a leader at work, a part of me doesn’t want to be that in a relationship. I want the man to take charge. Make plans, give me options. Ask me to go do stuff.  Take the lead. I want to feel taken care of, mentally and emotionally.

My relationships have been a train wreck and then some.   My first relationship was when I was 15 yrs old. I met him online in a chatroom, he was 7 years older than I was.  He was the first guy I ever talked to.  My first kiss, my first boy friend.  It lasted a really long time, off and on for 6-7 years. He was a pathelogocal liar, cheated on me, treated me like garbage.  I felt that I had to be with him no matter how he treated me, when he wouldn’t answer my phone, I would keep calling him till he answered or turned off his phone.  He cancelled plans all the time, I would beg him to see me.  Every time I tell him I can’t do this anyone he would make things better and then slowly go back to treating me like garbage. Used me if he needed me for something.  Kept everything a secret from me, his friends, his family, never knew anything.  He kept it all a secret from his friends as well   Till one enough was enough I felt mentally tortured by him and I decided to change my number and I cut off all ties with him.  Our relationship was never “normal”  we never did couple things. When I was 15 he was 22 so we mostly hung out at home or in the car or saw a movie. Never met each others family or friends  till I got older and wanted to do more of those couple activities he just became secretive. He also could never hold a job and was too narcissistic. Always worried about what he looked like and spent 3 hours in the gym each day.  I grew up and finished school and started working and realized there’s more out there.

After him I didn’t date for a long time till I met someone when I was 27, it was a long distance relationship. It became serious, we were together for 1.5 yr, I found out he cheated or atleast was talking to other women.  I found messages on his iPad.  He begged me to take him back and I did but he thought I was going to cheat on him, he became so possessive. He also lied to me about small things, he liked to me about his job as well.

Most seeious relationships I’ve been in have ended horribly, I seem to pick men that cheat on women, after the long distance relationship the guy I dated for 6-7 months had a GF of 6 years and was dating me, I had no idea.   He manipulated me or any red flag questions I had  he met my friends was involved with them  introduced me to his cousins,  took me to his work.  He was a sociopath.  He had two phones, one for me and one for his other gf.  When he was with her, he would give his phone to his friend to text me or snap chat me, so I would think he’s at his friends place.   He spent an entire night with me and woke up to go to his engagement party the next morning.  Told me his dads in the hospital, he won’t have service.  When I asked to come with him he said he doesn’t want to introduce me to his mom at a time like this.   When I found out everything, I told the other Woman.  She didn’t care, it’s something he’s done before to her.  They both, threatened my life, I had to file a police report since he knew where I live.

After that I took a long break from dating and men. Since then I’ve spoken to people and dated here and there with breaks in between.  I haven’t had luck.  Seems like things go really well and then come crashing down in a moment.  It’s disheartening.  I’m tired, exhausted and almost ready to give up.  I don’t want to keep doing the same thing over and over, get to know someone, things go good then they go bad, meet someone new and repeat.  What I’ve told you is only 10% of the things that have happened, Ive been through a lot of heartache. I’m not sure how I still believe in love, but I do.  I part of me is still hopeful that there is someone out there that will one day I will be with and be happy with.