Hi, guys,

Once again, I am amazed at how similarly different people may feel and not only people of the same sex – by this I mean that when I read such accounts as John’s or William’s, I realise that men may feel essentially the same way as women, and it is VERY reassuring and comforting. Even if we are talking about co-dependency here (forgive me for saying so).

I would like to share with you a few posts by and with a member from over a year ago. He went through similar things (it does help to know that others have been through it, doesn’t it?), discovered some things and even posted his suggestions in a separate thread. Something tells me you might find all of the useful. There is a lot on the grief process and SELF-LOVE and BEING WHOLE ON ONE’S OWN.

Here is his profile page with topics started: https://tinybuddha.com/members/brav3/topics/

And his suggestions (to which I also added a few based on what I had read by then; surprisingly or not surprisingly enough, a few of those were tested in practice by Brav3 unknown to him ;))

https://tinybuddha.com/topic/some-suggestions-that-might-help-for-people-going-through-breakup-or-divorce/:

In conclusion, I would also like to add a piece of factual information. I remembered it when I first read Shelbyville’s message that it had been 9,5 weeks.

Well, according to science, mourning (doesn’t matter – a mourning of a real person who passed away or a mourning of relationship) becomes easier once one has lived without that person the amount of time that one has spent with him/her. And if that time is more than one year, than one year is the mark. It probably is easier in climates with season changes – somehow it is easier to remember that THAT happened (or that one has been on one’s own) two winters ago, that is that this winter I am on my own, but so I was last winter.

In my case it helped in the following way: knowing this, I decided that I would revisit how I felt only after at least one year, and before that grim anniversary, I would be trying to go with the flow, to be mindful, to enjoy myself, to do little things here and there that bring joy to my heart, etc.

Basically, I have been trying to do all that I posted on Brav3’s Some suggestions… taken from that psychologist’s book.

It did help. (In my case, I also had to take some mild antidepressants for a very short period of time, but that is a slightly different story…)

SO eventually, it might be just a matter of time for you, Shelbyville. Besides, if he broke up with you, then he wasn’t that ideal for you or you for him, right? Your ideal partner wouldn’t have broken up with you for whatever reason, would he?

Hang in there all of you!

Love,

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