Dear Nikkole:

You and I have a lot  in common.

It is  okay to be angry, this is part  of healing, to allow yourself to feel anger at  your parents. It is an unpleasant  feeling but it  has a good purpose and a  message that is valid and needs attention. When you fully hear that message, the  anger  will lose its intensity.

Many people feel that  they are bad people for feeling angry, I did too. But it is a misunderstanding: everyone feels a angry- good people, bad  people and all  in between. Allow it, don’t judge it and you can proceed with  healing.

Yes, you had/have crappy  parents,  so did I and  so did most adults, this is why the  world is in such a sad state.

I want to encourage you to not give up. There are many moments in the process of healing when we get discouraged and feel crappy, but the key is to rest, distract (take a walk, a hot bath, watch a  movie, etc.) and then return to healing, persist through the distress and difficulties.

I wanted to ask you regarding  what I wrote above, the italicized: what do you think is the message in your anger toward  your parents?

One  more thing: what did you mean by “I’ve always hoped that  there was a reason behind having such crappy parents, but I’m not sure”- what kind of a reason could there be?

I hope  to read from you when I am back to the computer in about fifteen hours. Please  do your best  to be kind to yourself at this time!

anita