Hello Anita,

I really enjoyed reading what your short story would be if you could edit out all the damaging experiences. That would be something I would enjoy watching.

To answer your questions from the first post: the nursing program was stressful for me because I not only lacked confidence in myself, but the program was Monday – Friday so I was only available to work on the weekends which wasn’t bringing in enough money to pay for the bills that I had at the time. I wasn’t getting much financial or emotional support from either of my parents so this added onto the stress and overwhelming feeling. So, when I failed my first assignment I just lost it. I cried for hours, tried to talk to my parents, but they weren’t really saying anything encouraging. It was a mix of current circumstances not being too great, fear of failing, lack of confidence in myself, and not getting support from family, and also not wanting to touch people haha

I ended up finishing college with an AA degree. I’ve always wanted to continue my education, at least getting a bachelors degree but I have no idea in what.

So, I currently work in retail (grocery store) and I’ve been there for 10 years. I hated customer service so decided to go into the bakery department, which is slightly better because I get to be by myself some times, but not most. My current role is bakery clerk, so my main responsibility is taking care of customers. I want to (and have expressed this to my managers) become a decorator seeing as though I am a creative person and they don’t handle customers as much. I should also mention that my dad, and sister are managers at this company so it has become some sort of family thing which adds on another reason I stay.

What I hate about the job is that I find it boring. I want to learn, but I keep getting told to “be patient”. I also don’t like that the environment can be pretty toxic, not only with customers but with co-workers, and managers as well. This is another reason I would prefer to be alone when working. I also don’t like how busy it can get. I find myself not able to relax, and my mind is in panic mode until the store slows down.

What I like about the job is I know what is expected of me, so I don’t have to worry about whether I’m doing something right or wrong. I like that the job is predictable, pretty much tasks everyday. I also like that I don’t have that much responsibility. I don’t have someone else’s life in my hands. I also like that if I were to become a manager, that I wouldn’t have to worry about money since they make a comfortable amount.

As far as my interest growing up, I remember loving to sing, act, dance, playing outside, and making skits that we (friends, and sister) would perform. As I got older, I remember having a huge interest in psychology, and still liking to make videos, but that stopped because my mom wanted me out of the class so I could take drivers ed. Ever since then the only time I brought it up was as a possible major in college and my mom said “no”. I haven’t touched video recording / editing since (4 years ago). I’ve never really had just one thing I enjoyed or was good at growing up.

As of right now, I would love to work alone. After doing a teacher substituting job for almost a year, I realized that I really want to work alone. Unfortunately, I have not managed to find many jobs that involve working alone. I was lucky enough to have gotten a job offer as a data entry clerk, and I was so happy, but I ended up not getting the job. I’m not trying to sound pessimistic but so far when I try to leave my current job it just never works out, like I get the interview but don’t get hired for whatever reason.

So currently my plan is to stick it out with this retail job, become a decorator, and then go from there. My goal is to at least get full-time and then maybe go back to school. I’m hoping that by then I’ll have a better idea of what I would like to do.

I totally agree with those reasons that you stated, my childhood being a war zone, as to why I have problems with assertiveness and not wanting to be around people. I like your suggestion on finding a less stressful job, without much contact with people in order to heal. I mean if anything at all, there are stores in my area that are slower and quieter that I could transfer to if need be.