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Dear Z:
If the two of you “had a ton of long intimate late night talks.. helped each other through some serious tough times/mental struggles, talked about things we would want in a partner” while he was romantically interested in the other woman, then he didn’t reveal to you something important about his life, and you knew something was going on but didn’t want to ask him, because you didn’t want to know, am I correct?
If I am, I am guessing he was genuine with you, that he really liked you, enjoyed your company a lot.. and he liked her too and enjoyed her company as well, that he didn’t tell you about her and didn’t tell her about you because an official relationship with neither of you was established. And he knew that one girl will not like hearing about the other girl, so he didn’t tell. You didn’t ask because no one wants to hear about the object of their affection talking about the competition.
The fact that she remained living close to him distance wise, accessible that way, may have encouraged his feelings of emotional attachment to her. Maybe things have been moving toward exclusivity with her and felt guilty after spending close time with you that last time in November, and that is why he withdrew from you.
You wrote: “All I want is to feel loved and desired and I’ve just never had a lot of luck in that department- I had one four-year relationship, and as intense and oftentimes sweet as that was, even that felt empty, like the other person wasn’t fully into me or like they would expect me to put in a lot of emotional legwork while they withheld it from me”-
I would like to figure out if the ex boyfriend of four years, if he really “wasn’t fully into (you)”, or it just felt that way to you. It could be both, of course. This long term relationship of four years, considering your age, will be more telling than what happened with this guy in regard to your future love life. Will you elaborate on what I quoted above, how was he not fully into you, how he withheld from you?
anita