Dear Z:

If the  two of you  “had a ton of long intimate late  night talks.. helped  each  other through some  serious tough times/mental struggles, talked about things we would  want in a partner” while  he was romantically interested in the other woman, then he didn’t reveal to you something  important about his life, and you knew something was going  on but didn’t want to ask him, because you didn’t want to know, am I correct?

If I am, I am guessing he was genuine with you, that he really liked you, enjoyed your company a lot.. and he liked her too and enjoyed her company as well, that  he  didn’t tell you about her and didn’t tell her about you because an official relationship with neither of you was established. And he knew that one girl will not like hearing  about the other girl, so he didn’t tell. You didn’t ask because no one wants to hear about the object of their affection talking about the competition.

The fact that she remained  living  close to him distance wise, accessible that way, may have encouraged his feelings of emotional attachment to her. Maybe things have  been moving toward exclusivity with her and felt guilty after spending close time with you that last time in November, and that is why he withdrew  from you.

You wrote: “All  I want is to feel loved and desired and I’ve just never  had  a lot of luck in that department- I had one four-year relationship, and as intense and  oftentimes sweet as that was, even that  felt  empty, like the  other person wasn’t fully into me or like they would expect me to put in a lot of emotional legwork while they withheld it from me”-

I would like to figure out if the ex  boyfriend  of four years, if he really “wasn’t fully into (you)”, or it  just felt that way to you. It could  be both, of course. This long term relationship of four years, considering your age, will be more telling than what  happened with this  guy in regard to your future love life. Will you elaborate  on what I quoted above, how was he  not fully into you, how he withheld from you?

anita