I think I have too. Which is why I’m taking this all so hard in the first place. I mean I might be taking a lot of setbacks personally, but there have been a lot, and now this heartache. It’s like a downhill spiral and this is the pit. But I do have a therapist, and she’s been helpful trying to get me to say everything in my head 

I know keeping to myself isn’t the best but it feels like I’m running out of people who could understand. And I know my friends are happy because that’s what they seem to focus on the most. Like me and three of my friends went on vacation in August and it was all new jobs and wedding pinterest boards and gushing about boyfriends and new apartments and houses and stuff. And I just don’t feel like I relate that much to my friends. They’ve tried to reach out and I applaud them for trying to be nice, especially since a couple of them have lost a parent too, they know what I’m dealing with. But I don’t think they know what it’s like to be all the way in my situation, and I honestly can’t expect anyone to understand because they haven’t dealt with all of these things, and if they have, not at the same time. I’m better at answering questions because even I don’t know how to put how I’m feeling into words, but I can try to any time to vent. Because at the very least I think an unbiased opinion helps

1. Intimacy in all meanings of the word. Emotionally, physically, all of that. I was in relationships in title, meaning the ones I’ve had they called me their girlfriend but they didn’t care much about how I felt to really listen and understand where I’m coming from with problems. And because if that during that time, a long time ago now, I thought more about how to defend what I thought Instead of their rebuttals to what I thought. I do the same with friends. Because I don’t want to be a buzzkill I don’t really rely on them when I’m feeling down, just when I’m neutral or feeling okay. But by that same token that means my family gets the brunt of the downside and i know they get kind of annoyed with it so I get it out in spurts and then try to stay cool and collected most of the time. I think that’s what the problem with my being single actually is. All the extra stuff is just the extra stuff. But over time I’ve learned how to take people how they are at any moment, but over time I’ve gotten afraid to let other people expect the same from me
2. I don’t know. That just seems to be the response I get from other people when I’m specifically talking about romantic relationships. Whenever they ask me how dating is going they’ve gotten to a point where they think that I’m too picky. And admittedly I do turn down guys pretty quickly and I am really picky with my type, but it’s because I waited this long. I for damn sure am not going to waste any time on someone I absolutely know wouldn’t work out. I’m playing for keeps