I know it takes work and I know no one is truly ecstatic about the mundane, but most people would rather boring and mundane as opposed to sad or negative things. And they’ll talk about the things they go through too, like whenever they have disagreements or their job is pissing them off or something, but having more good days or boring days is better than nothing, and there’s disagreements but they’re workoutable and that’s better than having someone beat you or threaten to leave you. Having someone you can talk to about anything and even if they don’t agree you can go back and forth about opinions until they get to a point where everything makes sense. Nothing is ever 100% amazing and that’s not what I’m looking for. Just that even on the worst of days there’s a balance of the good

I think too that everything I’ve been feeling has been negative for so long I’m starting to annoy myself. So I’m okay to let them get annoyed at me for what I’m saying and thinking. I don’t want to be this negative and I don’t want to feel this down. I hate that I’ve taken everything that’s happening and I’m probably just blowing it out of proportion but I just want my own good luck. I want to feel like I’m moving forward and the work I put in is paying off, or something. And even if I turn out to be one of those people who don’t end up with that much luck, I just don’t want any more bad luck. I’d rather nothing at all than disappointments and heart breaking 

That’s what I was hoping for, and I did know that trying to be open and candid was going to be really difficult. But I feel like if I do that from jump street it would make that obvious early on whether or not they would listen and try to understand and make it easier to keep doing it. And it’s always been pretty wary for me to do so hopefully it would be moderately smooth from there. It’s just getting there, and trying to feel like it’s even possible to meet that person