Dear Eriads:

Well, let’s see.  He expressed to you distress over having a committed relationship (“a full blown relationship”) with you, you told him that you are okay with being friends, he relaxed and because he relaxed, he became closer to you, feeling relaxed enough to share more with you and reach out to you more. Then you took the being-friends-is-okay away from him (told him “that I couldn’t just be his friend anymore”)  and he became distressed again, immediately when you told him(“He  became very emotional and upset and was apologizing) and afterwards, not contacting you since Saturday.

I think the  explanation that makes sense to me is just that, he relaxed in the friends (with benefits) definition and distressed  with the full blown relationship definition.

I wonder  about friends without benefit, if that was or  could be  an option that will work for him and for you..

anita