Dear Freeman:

When you wrote that your mother was weird in front of you, what  do you mean  by “weird”?

At this point, after re-reading all your posts, this is my understanding and recommendations:

1. You are currently living apart from your wife, having the kids every other weekend. Better remain separated and continue to encourage and help your wife to be independent (“I wanted her to  be more independent, capable to handle situations on her own”).

2. Focus not on the marriage but on the goal that you stated here: “work in myself to  be a better version of me and be the best that for my  kids”.

3. From a very early age, before you were five, you were already hyper sexual. You engaged in sex (touching and  being  touched  by your cousin) because it felt good. It felt pleasurable (“we did experimented so much pleasure together”). Pleasure is the main motivation in all that sexual  activity: the dating chats, sex texting, approaching your wife’s cousin, your wife’s girlfriend,  women at your work place and random men in bookstore parking lots.

We all need and want to feel good. And we try in whatever means available. Some people  overeat, others over-sex. Some gamble. Others climb rocks. You do the sex thing. It is by now a habit.

4. In your childhood, your father was the weak parent, the distant and removed one and your mother was the strong, overly involved, overly talkative, controlling, dominant parent. Perhaps in her dominant, masculine presence, you became sort of feminine.

It may be something like this: there was place for only one man/ very masculine presence in your home of origin and that presence/ person was your mother. Every one  else, your father and you, had to be the feminine presence/ persons. You took the extra measures of  some feminine mannerisms, the  liking wearing women’s clothing (“women’s panties or tight pants.. w omen’s pants”), and the  looking for and receiving sexual pleasure from men.

This is what kids in school picked up on, that feminine mannerism, and they bullied you for it: “a few kids from my class used to bully me they would call me faggot, sissy a nd stuff of that nature”.

5. The bullies in school humiliated you and beat you up. You didn’t tell about it because you felt “stupid since I failed to stood  up for myself”- it  is time  for you to stand  up  for yourself  now. If you pay attention to how you behaved and still behave in the presence of your mother, you will get the information you need on how you submit to other people, not  only to her,  and what you need to do to assert yourself, to stand up for yourself.

In closing, for now, I hope you answer the first question I asked you in this post and  let me  know of your  thoughts  and  feelings about any part  of what I wrote here, 1-5.

anita