YOU are the miracle.  You’re alive and it’s a miracle!!! You beat the odds.  You’re the sperm that won. Naw girl, in all seriousness, I understand you completely!!  Trauma can have a bit of a delayed effect.  You can try to suppress it… And BAM… in come the floods of memories.  As if it’s happening in real time… Ptsd, depression, substance abuse disorder, anxiety, borderline personality disorder… All my symptoms caused by similar trauma to yourself babygirl.  You did right by seeking help with counseling…. But I’ll be honest it didn’t help me.  It comes from within…. You have the power to lift your spirit and soul from this murky and polluted consciousness that won’t let you be happy.  At peace.  Serene.  You’re beautiful, strong, and deserve all the unconditional love in this universe.  You seem to already have a small piece with your fur baby.  I have a human baby and he’s the only reason I’m alive.  I’m desperately getting my head and shit together because I’m tired of feeling afraid.  I’m tired of crying.  I’m tired of being a prisoner of my own mind and memories.  I’m tired of all that shit killing my high…. So i say fuck it!!! Fuck bad people.  Their bad consciousness will DEFINITELY pay consequences in this dimension and all.  Learn to forgive the assholes who hurt you…. Not everyone is an anus full of shit.  We gotta learn to weed the bad seeds out.  But first we gotta plant those seed inside ourselves…. And with it learn to love ourselves for our imperfections.  We are not victims.  We are survivors.  Much love.  Don’t let the suicidal thoughts have power over you…. Your dog needs you.  YOU need you.??