Dear Nichole:

When we are conflicted and afraid for a long time, there is no one solution or situation that will make us feel calm and peaceful for long, so  better not expect  it.

Whatever the next move you make, staying in the  current  apartment next year, moving to your aunt’s, renting  a place of your own.. whatever choice you make, distress will follow.

The “right thing” for you to do is to follow the following formula which my therapist at the time presented to me:

Wisdom= Rational Mind+ Emotional Mind.

If you go only by the emotions, that is, by the emotional mind, nothing is going to work, because your distress will reoccur in any situation and you will quit every effort you make. Going by logic/ rational only is not going to work either, as in this example: it is rational for you to live with your aunt  so to save on rent and buy. But if living with her will drive you crazy and you lose your job as a result then the rational-alone did not work for you.

Combine the two, do what is logical but pay attention  to how you feel and what your feelings are telling you, then re-evaluate your plans and adjust, make changes. Try different  solutions and evaluate.

The “going up and down with emotions” will probably continue for a long time.

“One day I am confident that  I got it and the next few days I am down and out and then I have to start over”- this is the key to making it: when you are “down and out” it doesn’t mean all is broken and you have to start over. The  down-and-out is part of healing, part  of moving on, part  of making your life better, can’t prevent it or avoid it.

Don’t start over; continue instead. Keep going through the distress. Take breaks when distressed, walks in nature, watch a movie and  so forth, then continue, keep going, combine the rational and the emotional minds and in so doing, live wisely.

I think it is a very good idea for you to move  out of where you are  now because you are living with the people to whom you adjusted as a child and living with them only encourages adjustments that hurt you.  Living with your aunt, if she was not a person involved with you as a child, is better, depending  on further evaluation, once you live there.

anita