Dear  afeels:

You are not bombarding me. Like I wrote before, this topic is complex, so  I expect  my communication with you to take time, it can’t be  rushed, so little by  little.

You wrote: “I wonder if a relationship with a man would be unfair to  the man if  I am unclear about  my own sexual  orientation?”- I can answer this general question with  a general answer, problem is that I know some specifics of your situation that  makes such a general question and answer irrelevant-

You wrote: “I have never had a relationship… I still maintain that hook ups aren’t  for me and I need a certain amounts of trust/emotional intimacy before I can have sex with a person”, on one hand.

But on the other hand, you wrote: “So I started dating and it’s been a rollercoaster… I have only had oral sex with a few of the men I have dated… with the men I am dating I will feel  attraction and then the attraction goes away in an instant and it confuses me. For example, I will kiss a guy in a bar  surrounded  with people and feel desire and attraction but once we are alone the desire is gone”.

This means that even though you believe that hookups aren’t for you and that you need trust first, you have proceeded to be  engaged in hookups and you do have sex with men without trust. You met men in bars, reads to me, and proceeded to go home with them, having sex.

This means that this issue of  hookups (sex first, no trust, no relationship first) vs trust  and relationships has to be  settled first. What relevance would there be in letting a man know about your sexual orientation if there is no relationship?

*The only way for you to  be unfair to a hookup partner is to  not  let him know that you have an STD and endangering his health this  way. I can’t think of any other fairness requirement. Can you?

anita